Regret
by terra hotaru
Summary: We’re drifting apart…Roxas…why? How? Why is all of this happening? You can’t be with him. You’re my twin…Roxas… SoRoku. AkuRoku. AU. Violence. Gore. For Jayrin Paige.


**Dedication: Jayrin Paige**.

We're drifting apart…Roxas…why? How? Why is all of this happening? You can't be with him. You're my twin…Roxas… SoRoku. AkuRoku. AU. Violence. Gore. For Jayrin Paige.

**Regret**

There's only one word in this world that could describe beauty. Do you know the word? The only…_single_ word available in the world that could describe _beauty_. You must know, right? It's Roxas.

Roxas…is my twin. He's been with me ever since I can remember. We grew up together, played together, talked together…we're just so close…very close. He means everything to me, but recently, he starts to drift apart…apart and apart, further and further away…that now, I think that I can count how many words we spoke to each other per day.

I don't know why… I don't even know how it happened or _when _it happened. I just…suddenly have so many friends…Riku, Kairi, Selphie, Tidus…I can go on and on naming all of them, but I don't feel like doing so currently.

And then, Roxas got close to someone in school too. His name is Axel, I believe. Yeah… Axel…that redhead… Roxas is really close to him…I see Roxas with him all the time when we're not together. I can't understand why… I'm usually a happy and cheerful person. I really am, I'm carefree and just joyful and everyone who knows me can immediately tell all that to my face and I would be grinning happily in response. I kinda like it when everyone is being really nice to me.

But then, amidst all the warmth that my friends give me, I couldn't help but feel this boiling rage in my stomach whenever I see Roxas and Axel together. They're just…so happy. Roxas is smiling and laughing and grinning in the presence of the redhead. And Axel would continue with his usual chattering with that cocky grin of his, talking happily with _my_ twin. Why… why do I feel anger building up inside me whenever I see them together? I shake my head…it's weird…too weird… I shouldn't be feeling this way right?

In fact, I should feel the exact opposite. I should be happy for Roxas…Roxas is my twin. If he's happy, I should be happy. Then…can someone explain this building up hatred and jealousy inside me… wait…jealousy? I'm jealous? But why? Roxas is happy…with Axel… I just can't understand this…

With Axel…does that mean that I'm incapable of making Roxas happy? Does that mean that I have failed to be his twin? I fail to make him happy? Is that why we're drifting apart? Because Roxas knows that I can't make him feel like how Axel makes him feel? What kind of feeling? I thought Roxas is always smiling and laughing when he's with me…but…it all changed with the sudden presence of Axel…all because of Axel…

Roxas… Roxas… You're my definition of beauty…you seem very alive…smiling and grinning like that.

"Sora, are you okay?"

I jump when suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder. It seems that I'm too caught up in my little thought that I forgot where I am. I'm quite surprised actually…to find out that we're already in the house. I smile, replying to Roxas' question sincerely. "I'm okay," I tilted my head to the side, staring into his cerulean eyes that resemble mine.

"You've been…quiet, So. Are you sure?" he gives a soft smile, a worried expression on his face.

And I feel guilty all of a sudden for making him worry.

"I'm okay." I place my hand above his that's resting on my shoulder.

"That's good to hear." He breathes a sigh of relieve as he sits down beside me.

I sit closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He doesn't seem to mind.

"How are you doing?" I ask softly.

He chuckles. "I'm good, really. I'm really good."

There is a nice and peaceful silence before Roxas breaks it.

"Hey, Sora." He whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I think… I like Axel…"

I feel my heart skip a bit. "Axel?"

"Yeah… you know… that redhead from our class? I think I like him. He's a really nice guy."

I can see the faint blush on Roxas' cheeks. I jump a bit and shifted my position to have a better look at Roxas. "But he's…"

"He's really nice and I don't know… I feel really comfortable with him. Don't you feel that way with someone too?" he asks back.

_Yeah_, _with you, Roxas_.

"With my friends. Roxas, you must be taking it all wrong… I mean…"

"I know what you mean," he smiled softly. "I'm not sure…but I never feel this way around my friends and it's just…really nice and comfortable to be around him."

I frown… Roxas…what are you saying? Why are you saying all of this? I thought that…I'm the most important person in your life? So…I'm right? I don't make you feel comfortable…? Is that why you're starting to drift apart from me?

"Sora…" Roxas whispers. "I'm sorry… you don't like the idea of me being…gay, don't you?"

I sit in silence, not replying, not responding.

I know that you're gay, Roxas. You've told me once before. But the idea of you liking Axel… it's insane, Roxas.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have told you all of this. I…I'm going to his house to study together in an hour."

"What?" I shake my head, looking at him in disbelieve.

"What?" he replied with a weaker voice, blinking a couple of times.

"I don't trust that guy, Roxas. Don't go."

"But, Sora…"

"Don't go," I demand.

He shakes his head. "What is wrong with you? I…I've promised that I'd go. I can't…"

"Stay, Roxas." I demand again, my voice strong and firm.

Then, Roxas looks scared. "What?"

I'm sorry… I didn't mean to scare you, Roxas…I'm sorry… but I can't let you go… I can't… because I know that Axel has the same feeling to you too…because I know…Riku told me…. Axel told him and he told me…

"Don't go there. I will call Axel and tell him that you can't go." I whisper huskily.

"But why?"

"Roxas…"

"You're being irrational, Sora. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't go to a friend's house to study." He breathes, upset. Then, he stands up from where he is sitting, about to go.

Before he has a chance to go, I grab his wrist and grip it tight, not letting him go. He struggles.

"You're hurting me, Sora. Let me go."

"No. I won't let you go. I won't let you go to Axel's house."

It all happens so fast then… Roxas is struggling to get away from my grip. I become frustrated when he gets away. Driven by madness and anger, I walk over to the kitchen and grab the nearest utensil that I could take hold of there. A fork…

"Roxas, where are you going?" I ask, my voice low and shivering. I don't want to lose him.. I don't want to lose _my _Roxas to somebody else. No…

"Sora! What are you doing with that?" he asked in disbelief, backing away from me.

"I can't let you go to Axel's place, Roxas. I can't…I'm sorry…"

Then, I dash to him and grab his wrist again. Holding it tight to the wooden circular dinner table that is set in the middle of the room, I stab the fork, full force to his palm, impaling him to the table, hoping that he wouldn't be able to get away that way. He screams and cries in pain. I'm…sorry. I'm sorry, Roxas…

"I…I'm sorry…" I whisper. I don't know what got into me, but…as soon as I notice that he can still get away even with the fork connecting him with the wooden table, I grab another fork that is on the table. With precise and scary accuracy that I didn't know I had before, I stab his other palm to the table. He screams again, crying, and pleading, asking me why I'm doing that. Crimson stains his hand…so red…it hurts my eyes…

"I'm sorry, Roxas…" I say as I take the knife that is conveniently set on the table as raise it.

"No, Sora…what are you doing?" he asks, huffing and panting.

"I'm sorry… I can't let… I can't let Axel have you…" I cry as I… I… stab the knife down…straight to where his heart resides. And then… there's no sound… all there is…is silence…complete and utter silence.

Roxas is…unmoving…as if time has stopped. His eyes are wide open. His cerulean eyes…wide open…I could see my own image, reflected in those eyes. "Roxas… Roxas?" I shake the body.

"Roxas? Are you okay?" I ask shakily. I shake him even harder."Roxas?"

No response.

Roxas is dead…

My…beautiful…my definition of beauty…Roxas…

"What…what have I done?" I can feel my breath hitched, but there are no tears. "What have I done?" I breath shakily.

"I…Roxas..answer me!"

No answer… no response…

What have I done? I've killed Roxas?...but… I don't want him to go to Axel's place… I don't want Axel to…I don't… I didn't mean to… "Roxas…"

Then…it all happens so fast… so fast that I am separated from my twin. And then… after that…for the rest of my life… all I see if white…all white…such a white room…blindingly bright and I'm trapped here…and all that comes out from my mouth is… "I'm sorry, Roxas…I'm sorry…but…at least, you're not going to be with Axel now, right?" I laugh. "Roxas…" I giggle. "Roxas…I love you…"

The only regret I have is that…I…forgot to say that I love you.

"I love you…I love you…"

--

Ee yeah… hope you enjoyed. Sorry this is not as violent. I should go get some sleep…


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